by Dr. Kate Siner – Providence, RI
As far-fetched as it might sound, it is actually far too true. There are some things that maintaining our victimhood gives us: People are less likely to challenge us or try to overpower us. Often they are willing to give us our way if we express that we are having a hard enough time. We have a tendency to think that we are less responsible for our actions and emotions when things are not going our way.
The hardest thing about playing the victim is that the last thing we want to do is admit that it is what we are doing–how embarrassing! However, spotting it and transforming it could be one of the most amazing transformations of our life.
Let’s be clear here. There are some points in our lives where we may have been victimized, and there are people who experience this again and again in their lives. This has serious repercussions, and I am most certainly not saying, “Get over it.” However, some of us might benefit from moving on and becoming more empowered–using our power directly rather than passive aggressively with others.
How do you know if this is you? Here are some clues that you might be playing the victim:
1. Do you blame others or the circumstances for what you do or don’t do?
2. Do you feel righteous in your actions and words, regardless of what they are when you are in a disagreement?
3. Do you break promises and agreements because they are uncomfortable for you to keep or because of “circumstances”?
If you do any of the above, chances are you are justifying things as being out of your control or somebody else’s fault, and that is the territory of the victim.
Here is what you can do instead:
1. When something goes wrong, look at your contribution.
2. When you have a fight or disagreement, look at your contribution.
3. Honor your commitments. In the words of Larry Winget, “Do what you said you would do, when you said you would do it, the way you said you would do it.”
4. Try to see your missteps and make it a point to set things right.
5. Pay more attention to your own actions and accountability than to that of others.
Psychologist, speaker, author and educator Dr. Kate has been called a true visionary who advocates for a much-needed shift in the world today. She has dedicated her career to helping people find and develop their own fulfillment and success by connecting to their true selves and taking powerful action. Dr. Kate holds a PhD in Psychology from Saybrook University and has provided world-class training in entrepreneurial and personal development for more than a decade. Her business, Dr. Kate Inc., provides mentoring, retreats, virtual classes and more to help highly motivated individuals change the world for the better by transforming themselves.